I’m not really sure when I realized that time didn’t move the same way for me as for other people. It just came to me naturally, like puberty, and now that I’ve made that association I guess puberty is as good a place to start my tale as any. It all started with the dreams, little snippets of interactions with friends and family that I thought were created out of whole cloth and then they would happen. At first I just chalked it up to déjà vu and left it at that but it just kept happening. I’d start dreaming about longer interactions and when I woke up I’d remember them perfectly and without fail they would come to pass, sometimes not for weeks or months but as I went through High School I had a pretty much constant sense of having done all of it before.

This was before The Agency obviously, before there were people who could explain why weird things happened and helped those of us afflicted learn to control and fully use our abilities. I honestly thought I was going crazy, that I had been cursed like some modern-day Cassandra to exist in a constantly frustrated state of knowing the future but having no ability to change it. But then I dreamed something big, not big in the grand scheme of the world but colossal to me. I dreamed I was walking along with a friend and they were killed by an out of control car while we were crossing the street. That dream haunted me for months until finally that awful feeling of familiarity crept over me as we walked together on our way to the mall. I refused to let it happen the way I’d seen, I couldn’t just do nothing or act like I had no foreknowledge. As we started to cross I could see the car coming and I grabbed my friend and pulled as both back onto the sidewalk.

That was when everything went… weird. It was like something in my brain was screaming, stretching beyond anything that had been demanded of it before. I tasted colours and saw sound as the world turned into a horrifying cacophony of sensory data I couldn’t hope to understand. When it cleared I was sprawled on the sidewalk with my friend anxiously crouched over me. I don’t think I’ve ever been so happy to make someone worry in my life. Everything changed for me after that, I started keeping a journal of the things I remembered, slowly building a picture of my life as it had not yet happened. People thought I was just really lucky when I won that lottery straight out of university but I had been playing the same numbers for three years at that point, waiting for the drawing when I would catch up with my foreknowledge.
That was the event that led The Agency to find me. They keep track of things like lotto wins and overnight successes as watch signs for people like me. One of their agents snuck into my apartment looking for further evidence and found my journal and with that they had all the confirmation they needed to bring me in.

Not that anything I had done was wrong; they were very quick to assure me of that fact. I was just born… different. They weren’t out to dissect me or institutionalize me, they just wanted me to join them. They would perform tests and help me harness my gifts to the best of my ability and in exchange I would work for them in helping others like myself. All in all it sounded like a pretty sweet deal.

Signing on with The Agency was like nothing else I’ve ever experienced; suddenly I went from never talking about the things I dreamed for fear of sounding crazy to having people not only want to hear but then discuss it with me trying to find commonalities and triggers. After a few months of them studying me and many, many trips into a CT scanner I was told that I wasn’t actually dreaming of the future. Not precisely, instead I was remembering my future in the present. I’m sorry it’s not really clear when you try to explain it in words. But what it boils down to is that a future version of me reflexively pushes part of their memories into the past, which are then processed by my sleeping mind and incorporated into my present memory as dreams.

Yes, that makes me a time traveller… sort of.

Once we figured that out the training started, helping me learn to consciously control the reflexive storage of memories. First so that I could control when I would remember things, then to send the knowledge to my conscious self rather than my unconscious self and eventually so I could send all of ‘myself’, my conscious memories, to a past me and let the current ‘me’ exist in the past to change the future. Don’t ask me how I manage to avoid a time paradox doing that, I’m fuzzy on the science of it all as it is, all I have to know is that it works.

Which I guess brings me around to why I am writing this. I’m putting this all down in words so that I can send the memory of writing it to you, my younger self. It is imperative you do not fall into The Agency’s clutches. Once they understood how I could do what I can do they started trying to reproduce my powers, our powers, in other people. It is chaos in the world now; imagine an assassin who can do what we do. They would be unstoppable; they’d never fail because they know every defense their target can muster. That is the Agency’s goal, to weaponize us, all of us.

So burn our journal younger me, and use the skills I learned to keep away from these people. The world isn’t ready for time travel. Stay safe, stay sane.

Goodbye.

[Preface: This started out as a quick status update on Facebook, that's all it was gonna be but by the time I'd written a mini-blog post I decided it would be better to just make a full post here. Please understand that this is basically an editorial and I'm going to be stating my opinions. If that's going to anger you then either don't read or please be respectful when you comment to bitch me out. Also, this is very much a stream of consciousness post so I apologize if I ramble or my points don't always flow clearly. I just had to get this out.]

I'm not tweeting this because I try to keep my political opinions out of my twitter feed so as not to bring politics into my website but this is *my* blog and damn it I have to share somewhere (also this is gonna be WAY over 140 characters).

I've spent a big part of today trying to put into words how I've been feeling about the news coming out of Toronto during the G20 summit. I woke up this morning and upon reading the news wanted to go back to bed and not wake up again until the world was saner. The last time I was so depressed and shaken by a morning news show two planes had just been flown into a major New York landmark. In the arena of politics and world events I like to think myself fairly unflappable but today I was flapped.

Today I have felt like this isn't the country I grew up in, the country I love. I feel like a stranger to this country and I haven't gone anywhere. I grew up with a sense of certainty regarding Canada. We might have problems like the rest of the world but by and large we dealt with them with words, with peaceful protests and debate. Our political system wasn't perfect but our government had a degree of transparency that I could live with and even be proud to be active in. I don't feel that anymore.

When I woke up this morning I felt like a stranger, but even worse I felt grateful that I no longer live in Toronto. Since I left Toronto for Ottawa (and now Peterborough) there hasn't been a second I couldn't wait to get back to the city because I felt I belonged there. But today I sat in my tiny bedroom and I felt glad I was in Peterborough, because given where my old apartment was I could very easily have gotten arrested just by going for a walk at the wrong time. That terrifies me, especially in light of some of the accounts being made public by those who were detained last night.

The actions of the Canadian government in order to appease the world leaders attending the G20 summit are reprehensible to me. In order to "ensure security" a bill was passed which gave the Toronto police force powers to arrest, detain and use force without cause. That alone chilled me to my bones, it's like a new version of the War Measures Act or the Patriot Act. It puts us dangerously close to a police state and my heart goes out to my friends attending Pride in the coming week because I'm not sure what sort of political climate the Pride events are going to be occurring in. And yes, I'm aware about the huge debacles surrounding pride but I've made my feelings about that clear in other places and I don't really want to rehash them here. Suffice to say that regardless of what pride activities you choose to go to (if any) I hope you're all safe and that you have fun.

As for the rest of the events coming out of Toronto today they all stir in me mixed feelings of sadness, fear and anger, the incredible ball dropping that was the Yonge street riots especially. In light of the 1 billion+ spent on security to prevent events exactly like the torching of police vehicles I just can't believe how unprepared 1 billion dollar security forces are. Instead the newly empowered police used their new freedoms to arrest peaceful protestors and innocent bystanders in an attempt at containment. In all of this the media was being shoved out of the way and hurried along as if by getting them away quickly enough the reports wouldn't reflect the truth of the matter. In two days I've seen free speech and peaceful assembly both take a brutal beating and as someone who considers himself at least Journalism-adjacent that terrifies me.

And now there are a bunch of thrill-seeking yahoos who feel like it's smart to antagonize a police force already obviously on edge that have, by some accounts, used unnecessary force. These yahoos are gathering at Queen and Spadina to taunt the police. I just... did we unleash an unholy mass of stupid when the pipe burst in the Gulf of Mexico? Have we struck moron? This is what I've felt has disappeared during the summit, our ability to think things through. I don't feel like I'm asking for a lot, just a realization most tabletop gamers grasp within their first session. In Character Actions = In Character Consequences.

No side's hands are clean in this and I have spent a large portion of today feeling betrayed by my government and by my fellow Canadians. I don't know what tomorrow is going to bring for my faith in Canada or what the coming days will be like as the inevitable backlash occurs. I hope this doesn't ruin pride and I hope that cooler heads prevail in the coming days and that maybe I can get the Canada I love back.

I live in hope and pray for peace.

Greetings boys and girls, been a long time since I updated this blog (mainly because I'm oh so busy over at my website over here. But I'm here now for some music memeage! So here's how this specific meme works.

1. Reply to this post and I'll assign you a letter.
2. List 5 songs that start with that letter.
3. Post them to your journal (preferably with links to where people can hear them, and some kind of comment), along with these instructions.

I was assigned the letter 'T' by misslynx and was then told that 'the' doesn't count. So here's what I came up with!

1. Take It Easy (Love Nothing) by Bright Eyes - This is a fun sounding song that talks about two friends who have sex, the singer regretting it after it has happened.

2. Taylor the Latte Boy by Kristin Chenoweth - If the last song was fun this one is HILARIOUS. It's a sort-of stalker song from the perspective of a girl who falls for the hunky Starbucks barista. If you enjoyed this you should hunt down Taylor's Rebuttal.

3. That Lonesome Road by The King's Singers - This song has been part of me since I first heard it back in my first year of high school. I'm not sure what it is about the lyrics and the interplay of the voices but I can't hear it without feeling incredibly touched.

4. To the Fairies They Draw Near by Loreena McKennitt - Alright yes this song is from the Disney Tinkerbell movie, but I was snared by the absolutely stunning visuals (as you can see in the video) and now the song just fills me with the sense of renewal that spring carries.

5. The Touch by Stan Bush HaHA! I have a song that starts with 'The' and still isn't cheating! So this is the song I first thought of when misslynx gave me the letter T. C'mon who doesn't love a cheesy 80s power ballad?

(And because misslynx did one and I have one more song to share)

6. Textual Assault Theme by Debbie Linden, Das Binky & Plat - Okay this is only... 30% shameless plug, 40% at the most. A few months ago I asked Debbie to record a quick little Reading Rainbow parody using some lyrics I'd written for one of my shows. She said sure and I left it at that. A couple of weeks ago she tells me it's done. Now what I'd been expecting was an acoustic guitar and maybe some tambourine. What I got was this less than a minute burst of awesome!

So that's my turn done. Who's gonna grab a letter off me?

This rant is brought to you by: Hardee's and KFC

Whenever I start to have hope for humanity again the internet kills it quite nicely within just a few clicks of my favourite news sites.

We are a culture of excess, gifted with a mindset of entitlement, greed and sloth. While Canada is still ahead of the United States for health concerns, obesity rates and life expectancy what happens to our neighbours to the south is still a worrying glimpse into a potential future. So with that preamble out of the way allow me to introduce you to the two things that have so scarred me:

( Abandon All Hope Ye Who Clicks Here )

Heyla all,

I swear I'll do an update someday (but I wouldn't hold your breath, I'd prefer you all kept breathing). But today I need help, I've started to gain a following with my critique/reviews over at http://cinfulcritiques.blogspot.com mostly by cross-posting my song lyric smackdowns at another review site that has way more viewers than me. What this has resulted in is a song suggestion for SLS that I can't find the lyrics to. I've tried to transcribe them myself but I'd appreciate any of you listening through for yourself and posting what you think the lyrics are. That way I can use majority rule on the lyrics I smackdown.

The song's called Buttersauce by Minamina Goodsong, give it a listen and let me know what you think.

Thankies!

~Ciaran

Hi Everyone!

This week's Song Lyric Smackdown is up and was only one day late, my notification of it going up however leaves a little more to be desired. You can check it out here.

Also, check back on Saturday for the first ever RPG Nerd!

Love to you all!

~Ciaran

Hey everyone!

I've started up a critique blog/vlog to build a web presence and get my writing out there. If you'd like to check it out it's here: http://cinfulcritiques.blogspot.com/

I've realized recently that if I really want to make a go of being a writer of any sort I need to get my work out there for people to see so here's my first attempt.

Comment to this meme with the word 'words' and I will give you five words that make me think of you. Then post them in your LJ and say what they mean to you.

From alexmegami

1. Fae
Hmm, as I don't feel particularly elf-like or mischievous I will assume this is about my proclivities (whoo look at me bustin' out the three-dollar words). Or maybe it's really all about my love affair with Robin Goodfellow. Fae's a tricky word to pin down innit? :D

2. Writing
Writing is all I really talk about doing, so it makes total sense that it's a word Alex-type people associate with me. Of course I also pester her for opinions on stuff I've written so that's probably a reason too.

3. Comics
I am a comics nerd, and rapidly being educated in new wondrous titles thanks to Alex and Patrick. Although that WW2 manga with the personified countries is still a bit weird for my liking.

4. Karaoke
Dude! This is how we first met, and how we rocked out at my goodbye party, before failing to continue the karaoke party at that pub. Still lotsa fun has been had while screaming out the lyrics to songs I barely know. Karaoke is pretty much my favourite pub/bar/drunk activity.

5. Ottawa
This is where I live now, well, until September. It's also where I had the most fun evar (even if I seemed grumpy I had fun, promise. Super drunk times just cause introspection in Ciaran's) Pan Galactic Gargle Blasters are delicious and painful the next morning.

I like talking about myself. I imagine you like talking about you! So here's the deal:

001. Leave me a comment saying, "Interview me."
002. I will respond by asking you ANY five questions of a very intimate and creepily personal nature. Or not so creepy/personal.
003. You WILL update your LJ with the answers to the questions.
004. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the post.
005. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.
And the questions asked of me by alexmegami

1. What's the story you really want to tell, but have the most trouble putting on the page/into words/expressing through interpretive dance/other?
It's actually a story that I've had recurring dreams about for a few years. It's something about this kid being given phenomenal powers and going evil dictator on the world and this band of heroes defeating them. But whenever I try to write it, it sounds like a bad final fantasy plot.

2. What does your preferred afterlife look like?
I'm not really sure, I'd like it to be something that would make me happy but I don't know what that means.

3. What would you say is your most defining characteristic?
Much as I may not like to admit I think most people define me by those aspects of my personality that are stereotypically 'gay'.

4. What is something other people think of you that you don't see at all in yourself?
I don't think I'm at all attractive (and that the people who tell me otherwise are just being nice).

5. What movie instantly cheers you? Which one depresses you?
I know it's not really a movie but Eddie Izzard sketches always make me smile, and for instant depression it's Grave of the Fireflies.